all yeet, no feat
Impress Her For Less, Or Your Money Back!*
*No refunds, for any reason, ever.
I’m Tom, and together, we’ll restore your dignity.
“Happy”, the epic manly man of Austin TX changed the relationship game for all of us in April. He yeeted (then assassinated) an actual rabid frickin bobcat and laid down one the most dangerous manliness challenges we’ve had to face yet. It wasn’t good enough that he did the deed, but he had to upload it to the damn internet.
Wives and girlfriends across the country have latched onto this terrifying meme and thus made, “If he won’t yeet a rabid bobcat for you, he ain’t the one for you babygirl!” a viral pecker risking challenge.
I mean, what the heck is a guy to do now? Go find a damn black bear and yeet the thing? Nah, man. We’ve got a better way, a safer way, for you to man up and secure your place in her rabid heart.
On-Site Experts & Services
She expects you to yeet a damn bobcat. With our trained experts, and uniquely bred kitties, we’ll make you a hero with less bloodshed.
Value Added Options
Our crew of discreet videographers, first aid responders, and life insurance specialists add additional value to your selected package.
Let’s Face It: If this came at you IRL, you’d pee yourself.
We get it, you’re as tough as they come on the internet, and you probably throw a mean smack down on Reddit. But, IRL these things have teeth… and claws… and are basically giant pissed off territorial house cats that can, and will, kick your ass.
The shame of admitting that you’d abandon all hope of manliness in order to save your own skin is unbearable… that’s why you’re here. You don’t have to be half the man Happy was in order to impress her, we can stage your feat for an incredibly reasonable fee. What’s reasonable, you ask? Better question is, can you afford NOT to?
Yeet Event Services
We’ve got a full range of services to ensure your yeet-day is the heroic feat it was meant to be.
A Range of Feline Stars
We use only 4th generation, domesticated cats specifically trained to hiss and growl, and then jump (safely) into your arms. It only looks and sounds scary, they are really just snuggle bunnies. She doesn’t have to know.
“Bystander” videogrpahers
If you don’t have a security camera installed at your chosen yeet location, we can arrange to have one or more bystanders casually strolling the area. Our trained staff will ensure your yeet feat is captured for the world to see.
Reasonably Trained First Aid
In the unlikely event that you totally screw this up, get a boo boo and require a band aid… we’ve got top notch medical staff sourced from your local community college ready patch you up, and get you back on your feet.
Happy Customers
% Survival Rate
US Locations
Yeet Feat Pricing
Standard Bobcat Yeeting
The “prove yourself or else” obligation. Choose from one of our highly skilled, trained feline stars for the full-on yeet day experience. Feline transportation (up to 50 mi) to your yeet scene included. Pre-event training on how to hold a cat billed separately.
Minimum 1hr booking, additional mileage billed at standard GSA mileage rate.
$400 /hr.
Starts from
Timid Maine Coon Yeeting
For our less adventurous clientele and those afraid of the word “bobcat”, we offer a reduced risk option with Nelle, the Maine Coon. You’d better be sure your significant other doesn’t know the difference between this kitty and a bobcat before booking. No refunds will be given just because you got caught. Feline transportation (up to 50 mi) to your yeet scene included. Pre-event training on how to hold a cat billed separately.
Minimum 1hr booking, additional mileage billed at standard GSA mileage rate.
$240 /hr.
Starts from
Simulated Rabies
Our feline stars are maintained in tip top health, and pampered… but you are gonna need some rabies if you’re going to make the impression stick. We simulate the condition with the application of a small amount of feline-safe, organic, edible hemp and avocado seed based cat shampoo. She won’t know the foam isn’t rabies unless she tastes it, and if she does, then she had to save you from the damn cat herself and you failed at life.
Minimum 1oz application. Additional applications may be required in the event of delays, especially since the cats tend to lap up anything hemp flavored.
$24 /oz.
Starts from
Bystander Videographer Services
In the event that your yeet scene doesn’t have security cameras to capture the event (seriously dude, go get a ring doorbell or something), we have you covered. If it isn’t on video, did you really even yeet, bro? Our staff will be casually “walking by” at the time of your event, ready to capture your feat of manliness. Video editing and “leaking to social media” extra.
Minimum 2hr booking to facilitate orientation, and fending off snooping neighbors. Editing and “social media leaks” will be outsourced via UpWork at the prevailing Indonesian hourly rate.
$48 /hr.
Starts from
Emergency Responder Support
Our trained feline stars know their job and will do it flawlessly. You, on the other hand, might screw this up. If you do, and you get a boo boo, we can be standing by to help with highly trained, local medical staff that have at one point expressed interest in pursuing a certification in first aid someday. Most of our customers survive.
Minimum 2hr booking to ensure enough time to calm you down enough to get the band-aid on. Anti anxiety meds, and post-yeet therapy are available for an additional charge.
$24 /hr.
Starts from
We Accept These Major Forms of Crypto Currency!
The Tom’s Discount Yeeting Team
Tom Pelnaki
Owner/CEO
Three-time US Champion Hotdog Yeeter (’96, ’97, ’99 Oscar Mayer Men’s Invitational) and amateur feline trainer. Born and raised on a sprawling ranch in Palo Alto, CA, Tom has a wealth of experience with myriad litter boxes and a passion for restoring the honor of his fellow man.
Jill Schwarz
Chief, Feline Ops
Self-described cat-lady, developer of our proprietary hemp rabies shampoo, and master of MS Project 2003 scheduling software. Jill delivers the epic event planning you need in order to make your yeet day a feat of success, and serves as your primary billing point of contact.
Rafael Fady
Videography Lead
With two BA degrees in art and filmography, and ten years of experience in street photography, Rafael brings affordable bystander videography services to your yeet scene. His mountain of student debt from college helps us keep our industry leading yeet services affordable.
Anton Nendou
Legal Counsel
A premier animal rights activist, manliness scholar, and trial attorney, Anton dedicates himself to defending men’s honor in and out of the courts. He also keeps us out of jail. He also doesn’t know we made this website, and would have probably recommended we didn’t…
Happy Customers
“My wife was relentless. She shared the yeet memes constantly. Tom’s Discount Yeeting saved my marriage! My yeet event was scheduled promptly, and executed in a McDonald’s parking lot during rush hour. Tom’s leaked the video to the local news and I’m now Vice President of my daughter’s PTA! Thanks, Tom’s!”
“My boyfriend wasn’t getting the hint. My besties were making fun of my girly-man because he’s pretty much afraid of his own shadow. Tom’s Discount Yeeting put on a phenomenal show at that skank Barbara’s place, allowing my boyfriend’s pansy ass save the day from a ‘rabid’ Maine Coon! Ladies for Tom’s, y’all!”
